Soda.

[00:00:14] My cat is an asshole. [00:00:18] Yeah, I said it. [00:00:21] Our skin is torn to shreds. [00:00:24] No one is safe walking we are used as a scratch pole. [00:00:31] My cat is an asshole. [00:00:34] A betrayer of the house of Vaughn the mischievous little cat bag. This is the tale of pussycat named Soda Vaughan Soda Aloysius Vaughn, first of his name Born of the Foofy Fluff, A warrior of Catnip forest. We received Soda as a gift before we knew what was before us. [00:01:16] My cat is an asshole. Dark as night A no knife fighter Decorated with a stripe of white he's nice for a moment White paws fast as lightning what I know now is twice as frightening so divine. [00:01:53] He's an angry little elf I'm convinced he's Lucifer in cat form Also known as the conqueror of shelves and shape shifting I go to bed worrying he's waiting to catch me slipping My cat is an asshole. The fluffy slayer of ankles and toes thank goodness we love him more than he knows. Oh, sort of on an angry little thief there's so much in the story there's many reasons we have beef the bearer of orange eyes Glaring at me from within the dark if he had thumbs he'd set fire to my clothes with just one spark. [00:03:16] My cat is an asshole. The terror of a manner I bottle fed this lunatic with an attitude too rude to handle. If Soda could talk he'd speak of pure scandal. [00:03:35] I'm living on borrowed days. The truth I swear I thought I saw him panhandle. Are you in the market for a noisy nosy feline familiar? [00:03:50] I'll give him to you willingly. I'll pack his shit his food, his fancy bottled water and his toys. [00:04:00] I'm sure one day with Soda will fill your life with joy. [00:04:06] His nails are sharp as a RA Last Thursday I found out he likes to be tasered. He scratched up my ankle tattoo so bad it has to be lasered. [00:04:24] My cat is a glorious asshole. I think you might have more luck. [00:04:31] On second thought, if he leaves our family would be lost. I guess I'll stomach the asshole. The asshole we aren't allowed to touch. I suppose we will keep him We've grown to love him so much.